Healing and the fear of not...

Just to let you know... I'm not a wimp. I'm not a wuss. I don't cower easily at things that other girls women abhor. Things that may scare you do not scare me. Not bothered by critters for the most part. Pain does not usually put me down for the count. I consider myself to be emotionally and mentally balanced.

You've heard it said that "we make our plans and God laughs." Well, I don't believe that He laughs, but I do believe that He may shake His sovereign head a little. My God is powerful - this I know. My God is provider - this I know. My God is all-knowing - I believe this. My God is everywhere at all times - I cling to this.

Here comes the giant "BUT"... Lately, I've been struggling. After my sweet girl was born, I knew that I'd have a road long highway to recovery. I was told that it'd take longer than usual... that I shouldn't expect too much too soon. BUT... I didn't think that it would be too bad.

Flash forward three weeks, and I was still in more pain than I should be, so the doctor called me in to his office. He discovered an infection and called for antibiotics. He said this should clear it up. Two more weeks passed, and I went in for a "look-see." The antibiotics had not helped, and he put me on some stronger ones. "If this does not work" he said, "we're looking at surgery."

You can probably guess what happened. They did not work. So last Friday I went back to the hospital for a "repair" and now I am seemingly at square one... again.

I relate this not because I was sympathy, but because I want prayer. Currently, my spirit is one of frustration and discouragement. I've known my Savior a long time, and I know that the words of Jeremiah 29:11 are true. He knows the plans He has for us me. HE KNOWS... So He's known from the beginning that I would have a difficult recovery. He's known how hard it would be for me to not be able to get down on my knees and play with my angel. He's known how much strain this would put on my sweet husband.

He's known that at every step of this journey I would need  have to lean on and rely on Him alone for strength.

But friends... it's getting hard. Now back at the proverbial "square one" I am fearful, and I don't want to be. I'm scared of getting infected again, of not healing, of not being able to play with my sweet two-month-old. I'm having to choose joy, not because I want to, but because it's a command from my Lord. I'm having to claim His promises not because I feel like I want to, but because I know my faithful Savior and feelings aren't always part of the package.

I ask of you: Would you pray God's truth with me about my healing?

~ Personally, I've been residing in the Psalms:

* Psalm 103:2 - "Bless the Lord, Oh my soul, and forget not all of His benefits: who forgives all of your iniquities; who heals all of your diseases."

* Psalm 34:19 - "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers Him out of them all. He guards all of his bones; not one of them is broken."

* Psalm 30:2 - "Oh Lord my God, I cried out to you, and you have healed me."

* Psalm 107:20 - "He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions."

Please feel free to add to my list. I would love the encouragement for sure!